Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Happy Birthday Son!

nine years ago today my oldest son was born! that was day that changed my life. I remember looking into his eyes and thinking how lucky I was, a healthy son. I had no idea how much my life would change.

Zach is a strong will, intense, internal young man who has challenged me in many different ways over the last 9 years. But he did something which I don't think I have ever shared with him. He brought me back to God.

At that time in my life I had been running from God for so long I forgot I was running but I looked into those innocent eyes and remembered John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son..." I knew at that moment I couldn't do what God had done, this person was only a few minutes old and yet I could not imagine life without him.

Before he was born I was bad at relationships, unfortunately this included his mother, Zach has never known a home where both his mother and father live. There are times I wonder if that was the right thing to do, if it would have been better for Zach to stay and I realize it was the only thing to do, if he had any chance at happiness and "normal"

But the one thing I knew at the time was I would always be a part of his life. His mother told me she figured I would last 2 years and then he would never see me again, if I had followed my life pattern up to that point that would have been true, I did not maintain relationships longer than 2 years. The difference now was I was tethered to my son, and this changed my life.

It has been 9 years since his birth and I still spend time with him whenever I can. His mother and I are still trying to figure out how to be parents together while apart. He has come to love Jen as a second mother, one who could never replace his mom but rather be the bonus of a second mom, there are times I am jealous of their relationship, but I know at this age it is easier for boys to talk to moms than to dads, so I am glad he has two voices of reason to help mold and shape his future.

Zach continues to grow, physically and spiritually. He is up to the middle of my upper arm, putting him at over 4 1/2 feet tall. He plays basketball. He loves life. He loves to learn. He loves his bothers and his little sister. He makes me proud to call him son. I hope he is proud to call me dad.

9 years ago today, he saved my life. I love you son, happy birthday

Monday, March 9, 2009

Where does the time go

My last post, almost a month ago, focused on living in the now. I think I have successfully done that over the last month, to the point of not keeping up with all I wanted to do.

For example, I had planned on creating a logo and challenging everyone to blog for lent, given that we are in the second week of lent I guess I will keep that one for next year :-) We usually pick up a new discipline or work on enhancing an existing one. We, Jen and I, talked about doing the love dare. unfortunately we haven't gotten to that... maybe tonight we can start.

My oldest son, turns nine tomorrow... where his time gone.

On the job front I am continue to search and have faith that God will provide. That being said I don't think I have been this busy in a while :-)

So I guess the point is to live in the now and yet to keep living and not get stuck chasing rabbits.

Now to catch up and get serious about Lent !!!