Long time no blog

As my lovely wife has reminded me a few times, I have not blogged in a while. Truth be told I have been in a bit of funk both spirituallly and mentally. I have not been worried about finding a job, we have been doing fine, however I have not, in many ways, felt as if I were contributing enough...I know silly but almost depressing at the same time.

Well, the last couple of days God has really jolted me right out of it, in a couple of ways...I had an interview on Monday, not sure where that will go but it was nice to at least sit down and talk about the possiblity of working. We have been very busy cleaning the house... for a couple of reasons (spring, too much junk we don't need/use, family visits etc.) Then today I got a call from my mom with some interesting news... she talked to my biological father and wanted to know if I would like to contact him or have him contact me...WHAT! DUH!

For those of you that know some of my story I have not, to the best of my knowledge, ever met him, I won't go into the details (as I know them) but I expected he would contact me when I turned 18, and have off and on since then spent time trying to find him. Over the last couple of years I have spend a bit more energy, and at one point thought I had probably found him but was not sure and did not know how to start a conversation.... "Hi, you don't know me, but 40 plus years ago...." In fact Jen and I just talked about it last week.

Well, our God works in mysterious and wonderful ways. He, Randy, send me an email today and I have since replied.... time will tell where it goes from here, as you know I am not the most outgoing persson, well okay at least not until you get to know me.

Kairos (καιρός) is an ancient Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment. Well this was a kairos moment if ever there was one. I am very much looking forward to getting to know him, catching upon 40 years of history and then some. Thank you Lord for bringing us together.

Mathew 18:20 comes to mind..."For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them"

Peace,

Randall

Happy Birthday Son!

nine years ago today my oldest son was born! that was day that changed my life. I remember looking into his eyes and thinking how lucky I was, a healthy son. I had no idea how much my life would change.

Zach is a strong will, intense, internal young man who has challenged me in many different ways over the last 9 years. But he did something which I don't think I have ever shared with him. He brought me back to God.

At that time in my life I had been running from God for so long I forgot I was running but I looked into those innocent eyes and remembered John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son..." I knew at that moment I couldn't do what God had done, this person was only a few minutes old and yet I could not imagine life without him.

Before he was born I was bad at relationships, unfortunately this included his mother, Zach has never known a home where both his mother and father live. There are times I wonder if that was the right thing to do, if it would have been better for Zach to stay and I realize it was the only thing to do, if he had any chance at happiness and "normal"

But the one thing I knew at the time was I would always be a part of his life. His mother told me she figured I would last 2 years and then he would never see me again, if I had followed my life pattern up to that point that would have been true, I did not maintain relationships longer than 2 years. The difference now was I was tethered to my son, and this changed my life.

It has been 9 years since his birth and I still spend time with him whenever I can. His mother and I are still trying to figure out how to be parents together while apart. He has come to love Jen as a second mother, one who could never replace his mom but rather be the bonus of a second mom, there are times I am jealous of their relationship, but I know at this age it is easier for boys to talk to moms than to dads, so I am glad he has two voices of reason to help mold and shape his future.

Zach continues to grow, physically and spiritually. He is up to the middle of my upper arm, putting him at over 4 1/2 feet tall. He plays basketball. He loves life. He loves to learn. He loves his bothers and his little sister. He makes me proud to call him son. I hope he is proud to call me dad.

9 years ago today, he saved my life. I love you son, happy birthday

Where does the time go

My last post, almost a month ago, focused on living in the now. I think I have successfully done that over the last month, to the point of not keeping up with all I wanted to do.

For example, I had planned on creating a logo and challenging everyone to blog for lent, given that we are in the second week of lent I guess I will keep that one for next year :-) We usually pick up a new discipline or work on enhancing an existing one. We, Jen and I, talked about doing the love dare. unfortunately we haven't gotten to that... maybe tonight we can start.

My oldest son, turns nine tomorrow... where his time gone.

On the job front I am continue to search and have faith that God will provide. That being said I don't think I have been this busy in a while :-)

So I guess the point is to live in the now and yet to keep living and not get stuck chasing rabbits.

Now to catch up and get serious about Lent !!!

finding joy in "the now"

I have found myself feeling down the last few days, I think the weight of my lack of employment has hit me. I know that God will provide and it will be okay, but what has hit me is a feeling of "not doing enough" though that is not the right phrase either.

At any rate I caught myself thinking it will be better when I get an interview, which made me laugh. (read with sarcasm) Sure, it will be. Then I will stress over the interview, did I say the right things... is it a company I want to work for.... then stress over the offer... then over the first day and first impressions for months to come... all the while laughing harder at each consecutive thing that I thought of.

The reality is God calls us to live in the now. Psalm 118:24 reminds us :"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Everyday and every moment was made by the Lord, and we should rejoice and be glad!

In John chapter 10 Jesus is explaining that he is the gate and all that enter through him will be saved, however he also warns that the thieves are poised to steal us away. In verse 10 he says "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." not that they may have life and EVENTUALLY live it abundantly but that they live abundantly in "the now"

if you catch yourself thinking about the "next great thing" stop and reflect on the current great things... find the joy in the now.

I don't have a job, but I do have time to spend with my wife and kids, time to catch up on my honey-do list, catch up with friends etc etc.

Long time no post...

There are no coincidences... right?

My lovely wife has reminded me a few times in the last couple of days I haven't blogged.

In my Wednesday night men's group we did a spiritual gifts "test" and one of the things that came out as a gift was writing...

I was talking about blogging with my good friend tonight and saying I needed to find a routine...

I have asked God for guidance on finding that routine and posting in general...

I got home and applied for a job, updated my facebook status, read through my twitters, checked my linked in page... in the back of my mind I kept thinking... I think I am forgetting something.

Then out of the blue I get an email saying I needed to approve a comment on my blog...

Okay Lord I hear you...

now I just need to find that routine. There is an idea that I have had on my heart/mind for the last week or so to help this... keep posted it involves you.

Closest Moments

I am a member of the 4th day movement aka cursillo community. Part of what we do is have weekly meetings with other 4th day members and we discuss our faith and actions in three areas Piety, Study and Action. Piety - what have you done to be closer to God, and what was your closest moment. Study - what spiritual aids have you used this week and Action - what apostolic opportunities have you had, what did you and what is your plan for the following week? We are an accountability group for each other and our continual walk in faith.

I bring this up because I wanted to put a little context around what a "closest moment" means. Today, my lovely bride had taken the kids to a play date at one of those jumpy houses, basically a large room filled with many very large inflatable items on which the kids can jump and play. While there the 5 year old was holding the 18 month old while they slid down one of the large slides and Jen was videotaping the memory, (probably to blog about later) while doing this she managed to step off the landing pad in such a way that her ankle twisted and it sounded like she "stepped on a bag of potato chips"

She calls me and I was, thank God, in the area, I came and picked them all up, took her to the emergency room, my old insurance lapsed, of course, as of my ending my employment on Friday. We had the forethought to get new insurance before the old lapsed you can read about that here. At any rate, thank God again.

Okay so the closest moment... I don't know about the 5 year olds you are in contact with, but mine was a shining example of the Love of Christ today. the entire time on the way to the hospital, at the hospital, on the way home, he was constantly reassuring his mother it was going to be okay, does it hurt, can I get you anything, I love you, etc. at one point she sat in a different place and put her foot on the chair he was sitting on, rather than saying something like "eww gross" he said "I like this better I can touch your foot" as he ever so gently rubbed her foot, being careful not to touch the swollen ankle.

Thank God for such a shining example of unconditional love, I was both proud and yet in awe of the Christlike example my 5 year old showed me today. it truly was a living example of what Jesus meant in Matthew 18:1-4 "At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, ‘Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’ He called a child, whom he put among them, and said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Praise God!

BTW Jen is okay it is a very bad sprain, and she is adjusting to life with crutches and ice packs for a while.

random thoughts

As I typed the title I immediatly flashed back to my teen years and Saturday Night Live, and now for deep thoughts by Jack Handley... I don't know that these thoughts are as deep as some of Jack's and I am fairly certain they are not as funny... but here they are anyway.

I am officially unemployeed for about 34 hours now... still no worries all I can say about that is praise God. ...lillies of the field...(Luke 12:25-28)

we have been giving our 18 month old medicine for just over a week. The thing is she doesn't like it so it is a two person job, one holding her "still" the other getting it down her throat and not letting her move until she swallows it. SHE DOES NOT LIKE IT, the interesting thing was tonight she immediately starting shaking her head no and trying to crawl away but we managed to get the medicine down in record time without crying. This got me to thinking about a discussion we had had in men's bible study around dealing with the same issue repeatedly. The observation was made that if we could figure out what God was trying to teach us we could probably get through it a lot faster and come out stronger on the otherside... in other words sometimes the only way we can learn something is to go through it over and over, usually kicking and screaming the 1st couple of times and eventually, if we look at it rationally we figure out why we are there and realize it is not so bad. I don't think this is exactly what Jesus meant when he talked about he said unless you come to me like these children... but then again maybe it was

The last is I finished the book "The Shack" and for those of you who have not read it, I encourage you to do so, it was even more moving and somehow very personal. I sat in Schlotzsky's one day last week, eating my sandwich, crying and I didn't care who saw me, i was truly moved. You can get more information ect on the official website I will be adding a link to my site to become part of the missy project.

okay gotta get the boys out of the shower...

peace